So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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