Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
