My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
