matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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