I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
