it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
