dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hippo gnu deer
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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