3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
