Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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