get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize