Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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