what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
