I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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