When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize