That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
