The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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