I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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