went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
