I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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