You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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