My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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