if i can run in heels then i can drive
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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