I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
