I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dignity is for republicans.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize