my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
