Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
