There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
