Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
