Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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