I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
