I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
