Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
