Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
dude. I can hear the air.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
