Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
