i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
vagina is talking i cant
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
third nipple confirmed
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
