im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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