i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize