Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
