So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
