it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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