I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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