I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Every concussion has its silver lining
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
