You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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