I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
