I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
