Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
