My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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