someone threw a dead crab at me
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
