how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
