Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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