Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
