please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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