Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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