people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
FUCK WHALES
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