he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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