Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
