Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
