I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
