Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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