look no pants
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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