he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
