Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
