Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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