Someone shit on the floor
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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