i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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