I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
