I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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