You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
