my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
