Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she told me i tasted like america
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
