it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
