I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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