With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
