Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
