my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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