I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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