Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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