What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize