Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize