i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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