that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i was born a porn star she said
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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