you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
