They should really pass out barf bags in church
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
