You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
