no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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