I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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