So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
