The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize